This is madness, imo, but w/e
sudo apt-get install mariadb-server mariadb-client
Once that's done, you must do this:
No password, make one, then mess about with the settings you want.
At this point, you can still only log onto mysql using “sudo”, so we need to fix that.
sudo mysql -u root -p (enter your password and whack enter)
In the MySQL editor, we gotta do this:
use mysql; update user set plugin='' where User='root'; flush privileges; quit;
Once that's done, you can log into the database without using sudo (yeah, really, I spent a day figuring what the fuck was up with that).